Does domestic violence increase over Christmas?

As we find ourselves in the build up to the Christmas period, with the hustle and bustle of buying presents, Christmas parties, decorating the trees, catching up with family, we are often asked the question, "Does domestic violence increase at Christmas Time?"

Christmas can be a challenge for lots of homes. Domestic violence does not stop during the Christmas Season. The abuse and violence experienced by victims may be exacerbated (although not caused) by the financial stress and alcohol consumption that often accompany this time.

A domestic violence relationship is not a “typical” relationship, it is one based on isolation, coercion, and a pattern of behaviours that focuses on the perpetrator controlling the victim. It is not a single incident, but a pattern of violence occurs in a cycle, one that increases in intensity and frequency as time goes on. Domestic violence is not about the abuser losing control, it is about the abuser keeping control of the victim.

The perpetrator is around off work for the holiday and is around the house more, so the control is heightened. Victims/Survivors do everything they can to keep the peace over the Christmas. Like everyone victims are seeking the magic of Christmas. They are excited to the look in their children’s eyes when they open their Santa presents. There are more family members around at Christmas so often the abuser goes out of their way to be the kind, loving, involved parent so that everyone sees him as the doting parent. The illusion is very real.

The victims often feel it is their responsibility to make Christmas go as smooth as possible and they may go out of their way to accommodate the abuser–walking on eggshells to prevent tension. It isn’t hard for a victim to get caught up thinking that everything is ok and that every day could be like Christmas, only to discover all too soon that the cycle will begin again.

One in four women experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime, they will be beaten up to 35 times before they will reach out for help and support. It is important to be mindful of what you say at Christmas when relatives may be victims silently struggling with pain and tough decisions.

"As women, we say, 'If a man ever hits me, I'm out of here' as a statement of power. But what it tells women who have been hurt is, I'm better than you... something is flawed with you. " emphasised Anne Clarke Manager with Offaly Domestic Violence Support Service.

"I think people always say, 'Why does she stay?' And we're not asking 'Why does he hit her?"

Domestic violence is one of the most under-reported crimes, with a majority of abuse never being reported. So, the abuse still occurring, but just not being reported during the Christmas. In general support services see a marked increase in the number of calls at the beginning of January. It is only when the perpetrator has gone back to work, the children have returned to school, that the victim/survivor has the time to process what they have experienced.

If you or someone you know is a victims of domestic violence and abuse contact Offaly Domestic Violence Support Service on 057 9351886, www.odvss.ie or check out ODVSS Facebook, Twitter or Instagram pages for information. Over the Christmas period you can get support by calling the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 1800 341900 or Esker House Refuge on 0906474122. If you are in danger over the Christmas period, please call the Gardai on 999.